The Curse and the Blessing

It isn’t often the exact same occurrence has the ability to provide first a curse, then several days later, a blessing.  Oddly enough, in my bipolar world, this occurrence just happened in the matter of a just over a week.  Last Thursday and Friday, I involved myself in conversation I should have simply “let go”.  But instead, I let my own desires be made known to the point it left me worked up mentally.  Add to this the fact it was full moon, and you have the perfect storm in my brain to create a sleepless night. . . to me a curse, as repeated sleepless nights, or ones with very little sleep generally set a bipolar cycle in motion.

By Sunday the sleepless nights were getting worse, and my behavior was quickly transcending into what we call a depression cycle.  We had been cycle free for 7 years up until last April when COVID-19 made it’s way through our house putting my husband in the hospital for 6 days, and myself into a month long depression.  Add to this the fact he recently had an issue with A-Fib in his heart, and we had a lot of the number 2 precursor to my bipolar down cycles. . .stress.  

Needless to say, we have not had a fun week.  A call to my doctor got us some sleeping pills to help, but at best I got sketchy sleep, with only 3-4 hour stretches.  Last night I was to increase the dose to two pills if I felt one wasn’t doing the job.  

Late afternoon my mood started getting a bit better, and by bedtime I was ready for a restful sleep after taking the two pills.  It wasn’t long before I realized the two pills were doing absolutely nothing to put me to sleep indicating the bipolar pendulum was changing from depression to the high side.

And so, once again, came a sleepless night, this time a blessing given to me by God saying “this cycle is over”.  I’m not sure if this is what happens for all people who deal with bipolar, but it is something that repeats itself with every cycle I go through.

Once I realized sleep was going to evade me all night, I pulled out a stack of CD’s I keep handy for these long nights.  It’s interesting how the music is of no help on the “going down” side of things, but on the “coming up” it provides blessing upon blessing as I listen to quiet music by some favorite musicians, some instrumental, and some with comforting words.

Thank you to my family and friends for putting up with the challenges of the “me” that comes from the first curse of “sleepless nights” and for the prayers that have once again brought me through the sleepless night we see as a blessing.  Through it all, God is faithful, and for that, we give Him praise.

What Season Is It, Anyway??

According to our calendars, the first day of spring is March 20.  In North Dakota it is typically the season of warmer temperatures after the cold days of winter.  The added heat in the sun wakes up the sleeping tulips, and soon they begin to break through the soil.  Looking through my Facebook memories today, there was a reminder of what a typical spring day looks like, with blue skies and grass starting to turn green.  According to the post six years ago, it was nice enough to inspire a walk around town, soaking in the sunshine.

Today, however, was not one of those typical spring days.  Instead, we woke up to the sound of the wind howling.  One look out the window verified what the weatherman had been telling us. . .for the next couple of days, we would be blasted with a storm and likely receive more snow than we had all winter.  

So what does one do in the midst of such a storm?  A lifetime of living in North Dakota has taught me the best thing to do is cancel any plans, and “hunker down” until such time the nasty weather subsides.  You know it is a bad storm when the drug store doesn’t open and the grocery store closes early!  The combination of winds and snow made for some pretty good sized drifts by the time the sun went down.  Despite what the calendar was telling us, it certainly was NOT a spring day today!

There is another day marked on our calendars coming up in a few days. . .Easter Sunday. While the first day of spring stays constant in March, the date for Easter fluctuates, and is always the first Sunday after the first full moon following the beginning of spring.  Seems almost as confusing as a winter blizzard hitting a month into spring!

As I thought about the fluctuating weather of spring, and the changing dates of Easter, my mind was thankful for one truth that doesn’t change with either the season or the day. . .three days after Jesus was crucified on a cross and laid in a tomb, He was resurrected and left the tomb empty!  Because of this, we, too, have the promise of life after death if we put our trust in our Risen Savior.  We may have to wear our snow boots to the Easter service this year, but the truth remains. . .He is Risen!  Hallelujah!  He is Risen Indeed!!