Fruit Basket Upset

Living with a personality which leans toward the perfectionistic side, plus having bipolar as part of my diagnosis sometimes leads to roller coaster days.  Take today, for instance, when my goal was to accomplish some long neglected housework.

The more I cleaned, the more I realized how far from "perfect" things were.  In my mind, which had been operating on the high side this week, the list of what I was going to accomplish was a lengthy one.  Besides the housework, I had plans to visit my friend in the hospital and also bring a fruit salad to a family who had experienced a death earlier in the week.

Then, as evening approached, the reality hit.  There were simply not enough hours in the day.  Although the hospital visit did get made, the housework was half done, and I hadn't yet made the salad.  After a phone call to the family, it was decided to wait until tomorrow with the salad, as their meal had been provided by someone else tonight.

Suddenly, I started feeling like a failure.  Why hadn't I taken the time earlier in the week to make a visit to the grieving family?  Why had I let the housework accumulate so long?  Why had I wasted the night before sitting in the recliner instead of dealing with some of the things I was trying to get done today?

The more I thought, the more my mind attacked, until I found myself in tears.  It was as if every bit of "Spirit Fruit" was missing from my life.  About then, my dear husband came to my rescue and washed the kitchen and bathroom floors for me.  He assured me we all have days when things tend to overwhelm us. 

As I worked at cleaning the bathroom, it dawned on me. . .the voice telling me of my failures was a familiar one I've heard many times in the past.  As you know, we have an enemy who is constantly on the prowl, trying to find our "weakest point" so he can "devour" (1 Peter 5:8)  Today he had certainly managed to find mine.

Suddenly, I felt a surge of determination come through.  No, I hadn't accomplished all I felt I should, but life would go on.  When defeat is lurking, there is comfort in knowing we have 1 John 4:4 to rely on:

 "Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world."

 



Gently, I felt God's Spirit restoring some order to my inner spirit.  Nothing changed as far as what was or wasn't accomplished, but somehow I had the assurance, the "fruit" was still there, and tomorrow would be a new day to share it.